Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
