I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
