her vagine was all disorganized.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
