On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
