my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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