Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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