i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
