i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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