I'm passing your future prison.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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