I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
