My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
