I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you win again, gameday.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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