She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The air was thick with penises
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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