We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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