his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
