You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Small penises have feelings too.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
