i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
