You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
