giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
