hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
