if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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