I wish I could teleport
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Come on in and take your pants off
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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