Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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