She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
