My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize