I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
