New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize