Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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