awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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