Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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