I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
