last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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