I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
