You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
