I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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