Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
