I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I look better un-naked...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
