You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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