imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
