So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
