hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
