Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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