Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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