Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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