Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
