I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Houston, we have a squirter
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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