I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
