did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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