I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
