Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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