piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
