I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize