We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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