im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
