omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
