wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
