Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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