dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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