i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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