remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
