My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
