You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
