dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
