Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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