i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
