This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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