I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
