Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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