Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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