batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
