well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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