so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
