he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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