i permit you to call me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
