No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
