I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
