That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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