dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
