threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
