i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
