I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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