I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
