Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
