you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
