Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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